taylor

God hates vegetarians.

You don't believe in God? Well, me neither, but he still hates vegetarians.

Once upon a time there were these two brothers, Cain and Abel. Abel raised sheep. Cain was a farmer. They had a barbeque for God. Abel brought lambchops and Cain brought the potato salad. Cain didn't even cut up the potatoes himself. The potato salad came from Dillons and it wasn't even name brand. No, the cheap-ass slothful Cain offered FMV unto the Lord.(For Maximum Value)

Obviously, "the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell."

Later, because he was jealous, Cain killed Abel. God was pissed. Cain pled insanity. He wasn't in control of his actions because of the amount of wroth that he was going through at that point in his life. God felt sorry for him and didn't go for the death penalty on this one. It also may have had something to do with the fact that there were only three people on earth at this point. Anyways, God sent Cain to timeout in the land of Nod, east of Eden....fooreeevaaar. (insert sandlot imitation)

The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious - and it goes like this. I'm paraphrasing. I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.


We've got solid state technology
Tapes on the floor
Some songs we can't afford to play
When we came here today
All I wanted to say was how much I miss you
Alcohol and cotton balls
And some drugs we can't afford on the way
When we came here today
We all felt something true
Now I'm red-eyed and blue

Well I wish
I was a catfish,
Swimming in, lord,
the deep blue sea.
I'd have ah, you pretty woman,
fishin' after me

QUIXOTIC: the word of the day. It means to set out to do something seemingly pointless, like Don Quixote. I've never heard it pronounced in everyday speech, but I'm quessing it would go something like this, key-ho-tic. This is the example of something quixotic that I came up with this morning.

"I set out on a quixotic journey to find the flattest, barest piece of land still covered with snow. Why? To tramp it, of course. A snow angel to the thousandth degree. I wanted what humans had always wanted, a mark upon the world. I had tried smearing pigment around, on different sorts of flat things, but no one noticed. It was nothing new, people everywhere from the caves of Lascaux to Van Gogh had tried to leave a mark in this way. Painting had become a thirty year old wooden school desk, so full of graffiti, others marks on the world, there was no where left to carve your name.

There were other ways to go. I could have built something large and geometric out of stone, a wall, a henge, perhaps a pyramid. Then people would probably put "the great" in front of whatever I had built. However, these are less feats of expression than feats of persuasion and I am not good at convincing people to do things. I can't convince people help me leave my mark on the world, just because I'm a nice guy. I can't convince people to buy things for more than they're actually worth. So, I don't really have any money either. I guess I only have what humans have always had, an irrational desire and the ability to walk upright.

There were all sorts of complications and plot twists along the way but I did find a place to do this at, acquired snowshoes and all sorts of other things you're wondering if I was going to remember to get. Yes, I did get them. And then, I tramped in letters 50 miles tall a message to the world. It took three or four days for each downstroke and forty-four days total. What was my message to the world? - my name, I wanted to say what everyone wants to say, "Taylor was here."

DUGGLING:

unfortunately the word looks a lot like dung; it has nothing to do with dung or beetles. Duggling is juggling in a downward direction - Bouncing the objects off the floor instead of throwing them in the air. I invented it. Unfortunately I can't juggle, up or down, but I think it's possible in theory.

So, Allan is trying to learn to duggle, to prove to the world that there is an equal and opposite reaction to juggling. So you're saying to yourself "Wow, that's heroic, such dedication to science" - Well, I just want you to know, that's what I was thinking also.

Piero Manzoni, Socle du monde, 1961

my favorite piece of sculpture - ever.

It's french for pedestal for the world. It's genius. It's *Minimalist yet relates to all of these other ideas going on in art. It incorporates its surroundings like a *site-specific piece. It has a sense of humor about art, like *Pop art and *Dada.

It's the wittiest damn cube I've ever seen.


nutshelled art history:

*MINIMALISM - objects are stripped down to their elemental, geometric form, and presented in an impersonal manner. Squares, rectangles, primary colors, all black, all white, etc. Developed as a reaction against and is completely the opposite of Abstract Expressionism -(think not Jackson Pollock slinging paint).

When you see it you think - "I could have made that" or "a machine made it, how is that hard?" It's the idea that's hard. It doesn't matter who actually makes it, it's coming up with the idea. That's minimalism, think it up, send it to a manufacturer, hmm... actually a lot like the way most things we own are made.

*POP ART: think Warhol - soup cans, Marilyn Monroe. Lichtenstein - giant comic strips. Basically it's just like hip hop, only in the art world and about 30 years earlier. take all of this stuff that is everywhere in culture, rework it, and use it to comment about society. Hip hop in its earliest forms commented on urban life, pop art commented on consumerism and celebrity. "how is that art? he didn't even paint it or take the photo" ...ahh but he did come up with the idea for the marketing. He showed us how rediculous some of the things people will buy are.

*DADA: European artists opposed to WWI. It's absurd to sit in trenches and take turns charging each other for 20 yards of ground. Ah, a shovel, I say it is art. Absurd you say? Yes, but that is the point. The world is absurd. think Duchamp

*SITE SPECIFIC - a work that relies on its surroundings to make it work. Examples would be Cristo, a crazy frenchman who wraps buildings, islands and other things in fabric. Others would be, Robert Smithson who built spiral jetty, a giant dirt path swirling out off the bank into this lake.

you have to watch out for the facebook whores - they'll ask anyone to be their friend. The people who have 99 friends listed, but you never really liked them that much. It's ok, you can turn them down. They have 99 other friends.

"he frickin' sim citied this place" *taylor reading and talking to himself

"what do you mean?" *puzzled allan

"umm... he made up his own town. Chopped down trees, made houses and factories, got workers to make stockings and watches." *taylor

"sim city is a verb?" *allan

"yes" *taylor

Voltaire - a lot like Sim City. the end.