Saturday, February 07, 2004
origins. the origins of this great manifesto have their humble beginnings in a paper tacked to a door, in the spirit of the martin luthers, the galileos, the che gueveras, of course those rapscallions and all around guerilla radio pioneer dudes, mr morello, mr de la rocha and whatever the hell the other two guys names are. aka r.a.t.m.
ok I hate to burst the bubble of public image but rage is not quite in the same league as those other guys, but I of course am. and it was really fastened up there with scotch tape, but tacked -- it just sounds so much more forcefull, rebellious, oo just gives you chills the primal agressiveness of the word, eh. tacked. so forgive my artistic license, tacks don't work well on solid steel fire safety doors and its probably against housing policy or something anyways. Maybe a dagger that’s theatric, a bit swashbuckling though.
So this heres the prequel, oh and yeah, a la gorgeous georges lucas I of course had all of this written before my first trilogy and of course am not scraping the bucket on the bottom of my wells of creativity. Sludging up from its parched depths halfassed uncreative disneyfied pieces of shit to throw marketing and special effects dollars at in hopes of blockbuster salvation. And my special effects budget is low, so you’ll have to settle for handdrawn stuff I made on stolen copy paper with a pen I got for free from the peace corps. Dollars spent 0, priceless. Yeah I’d say it was really more of a remix, you know stuff I already wrote, re released so you can buy it again, because once again I’m either A. lazy or B. really an uncreative bastard who got lucky and needs to ride that damn cash train into the ground. hmm… linkin park…and a whole buncha hip hop…heres the remix to lesbian rainforest destruction…hot and fresh out tha kitchen… yep that was cheesy.
Anyways: here's the first and second issues, and their responses from my housing director
"Lesbians are responsible for the destruction of the rainforest."
apparently this requires some explanation, but the logic is flawless. Ok so the more "butch" if you will lesbians are often known to wear flannel. This fashion trend most likely stems from the traditional garb of the logging industry. Therefore they must have contacts with aforementioned industry.
As freud theorized, they may also envy the penis, and on a subconscious level feel cheated and have a desire to destroy phallic symbols. Trees are clearly one of the more prominent phallic symbols found in nature/everywhere, standing tall, erect, towering over the smaller flora like bushes. Also, one of the more common slang terms for the penis, Wood, or woody, clearly is derived from the tree. The largest, most dense, collections of trees are found in rainforests.
And so, I feel, due to their undeniable ties to the logging industry and phallicatory defiling motivation, you can come to no other conclusion but that Rosie O'Donnel is the head of an secretive (isn't it obvious from her magazine dealings that she is eager to uphold her spotless public image) international logging syndicate hell bent on ridding the world of trees.
The precedent is clear. Rosie tried to rid the world of guns, which is also a common phallic symbol - "here is my rifle. here is my gun" if you don't get the refrence, just quit reading and go watch more tv (you uncultured swine you.)
And in this galaxy far far, ok, so right here A shrowded Martha Stewart lurks in the deeply cast shadows of a corner (of federal pound me in the ass prison), controlling the galaxy. Ok I'm just going to come out with it, if the destruction of the rainforest were star wars, martha would be the emperor, albeit a bit more satanlike and scary due to her mass media powers. That would make rosie is darth vader, that weasing sound, shwooop puuh . . schwoop puuh, is her catching her breath. And of course all battles in this movie are fought with jedi hairpulling and bitch slapping, because blasters and lightsabers are... all together now class, phallic symbols.
SO IN CONCLUSION: this arguement is about as airtight as a russian submarine and you should just nod your head and agree with me.
Oops:
Battenfeld Residents,
Tonight while walking into the second floor lobby, I found a two page paper titled “rainforst1” posted on the inside of the door leading to the main stairwells. The content of the paper is very disturbing. The author of this paper obviously has some serious homophobic issues. The thesis statement of the paper is that “Lesbians are responsible for the destruction of rainforest.” The fact that, this individual has posted this paper on both floors (2 &3) is unacceptable action by myself as a director of the hall and I am very confidant that most of you agree with me.
I just want to tell the individual who did that, he needs to think about the difference between funny and offensive and recognize these two concepts DO NOT mix in Battenfeld. Finally to this individual, I say you need to grow up and open up your mind, otherwise do not be posting your twisted ideas in our hall and keep it to yourself.
Regards,
Mowafiq Al-Anazi
Director, Battenfeld scholarship hall
RE: rainforestl
So yeah, definitely a joke, and apparently not funny, if you don’t read past the well crafted thesis statement to the star wars references. And really there’s no need for name calling, I am not a homophobe. I am comfortable enough with the subject to make a joke about it. And if anyone has a legitimate complaint ask around, you’ll find me, and I will apologize profusely, and admit begrudgingly that ‘I suck at life’ – man I was on so many drugs that night whoah
That being said: I think cheetos are responsible for the current unrest in the middle east.
Insert collective WTF mate and lets continue.
It is a little known fact that camels looove cheetos. Do camels love cheetos, the question is almost rhetorical, of course they do. It’s a biologically adaptive behavior. When you’re in heat, not in the female dog sense, more the hot kind, the body sweats. It loses water and electrolytes, saw that in a Gatorade commercial once. Anyways, electrolytes are basically salt. So on a tangent, Gatorade is a sham. It contains salt which makes you more thirsty, so you drink more of their product, those bastard corporate lackeys. Right, so camels crave salt, which cheetos are naturally high in and of course they eat the cheetos. Those little orange powdery things are like cocaine in the camel world, or maybe tobacco is a better example. So frito lay puts out this add campaign and . . . targets camildren (camel children) and they all get hooked on the orange goodness. And then there’s all these CBI agents after the orange goodness, ok I’ll stop.
There’s one fundamental problem with camels eating cheetos – their basic inability to lick the orange goodness from their toes and toe crotches (spaces inbetween the toes). Sure they can paw the bags open and eat the cheetos, but the best part, the gooey orangish paste, ok it does have some sand in it but it’s up to camel standards, sits on their feet. Man you can’t imagine the emotional pain and suffering this causes, they should sue, damn frito lay.
Their basic frustration leads them to be mean and completely lacking in chrismas cheer year round. Proof: they spit, lots, who spits when they’re happy, not me. This lack of cheer spreads to the owners and up the food chain and pretty soon, nobody gets along.
And so you have it, just nod and agree another argument airtight like a Russian sub.
And if you call me a racist I’m going to be seriously disappointed in mankind in general
I hereby solemnly swear to never offend anyone, renounce my constitutional rights, and never utter any speech that could be considered by anyone anywhere to be politically incorrect.
OK Guys,
I thought the e-mail I sent last night would be taken as an educational lesson, but some of us seem not to understand the point was posting such an offensive writing is against the University and Housing policies. I f I know who did this action I would not hasitate of writing him up. the goal of the e-mail was to serve as a warrning and as a reminder to all of us, as we are in college to have fun, also we are here to learn respect in the same time. regardless the fact that, B-feld is a male building, it is no excuss to become a women basher. The last thing I want Battenfeld to be known of as sexiest hall, I am sure that will make girls think highly of you guys !!!!!!
enough said, If you want to talk about this topic, please call me or stop by my apartment anytime.
thanks guys.
Mowafiq
ok I hate to burst the bubble of public image but rage is not quite in the same league as those other guys, but I of course am. and it was really fastened up there with scotch tape, but tacked -- it just sounds so much more forcefull, rebellious, oo just gives you chills the primal agressiveness of the word, eh. tacked. so forgive my artistic license, tacks don't work well on solid steel fire safety doors and its probably against housing policy or something anyways. Maybe a dagger that’s theatric, a bit swashbuckling though.
So this heres the prequel, oh and yeah, a la gorgeous georges lucas I of course had all of this written before my first trilogy and of course am not scraping the bucket on the bottom of my wells of creativity. Sludging up from its parched depths halfassed uncreative disneyfied pieces of shit to throw marketing and special effects dollars at in hopes of blockbuster salvation. And my special effects budget is low, so you’ll have to settle for handdrawn stuff I made on stolen copy paper with a pen I got for free from the peace corps. Dollars spent 0, priceless. Yeah I’d say it was really more of a remix, you know stuff I already wrote, re released so you can buy it again, because once again I’m either A. lazy or B. really an uncreative bastard who got lucky and needs to ride that damn cash train into the ground. hmm… linkin park…and a whole buncha hip hop…heres the remix to lesbian rainforest destruction…hot and fresh out tha kitchen… yep that was cheesy.
Anyways: here's the first and second issues, and their responses from my housing director
"Lesbians are responsible for the destruction of the rainforest."
apparently this requires some explanation, but the logic is flawless. Ok so the more "butch" if you will lesbians are often known to wear flannel. This fashion trend most likely stems from the traditional garb of the logging industry. Therefore they must have contacts with aforementioned industry.
As freud theorized, they may also envy the penis, and on a subconscious level feel cheated and have a desire to destroy phallic symbols. Trees are clearly one of the more prominent phallic symbols found in nature/everywhere, standing tall, erect, towering over the smaller flora like bushes. Also, one of the more common slang terms for the penis, Wood, or woody, clearly is derived from the tree. The largest, most dense, collections of trees are found in rainforests.
And so, I feel, due to their undeniable ties to the logging industry and phallicatory defiling motivation, you can come to no other conclusion but that Rosie O'Donnel is the head of an secretive (isn't it obvious from her magazine dealings that she is eager to uphold her spotless public image) international logging syndicate hell bent on ridding the world of trees.
The precedent is clear. Rosie tried to rid the world of guns, which is also a common phallic symbol - "here is my rifle. here is my gun" if you don't get the refrence, just quit reading and go watch more tv (you uncultured swine you.)
And in this galaxy far far, ok, so right here A shrowded Martha Stewart lurks in the deeply cast shadows of a corner (of federal pound me in the ass prison), controlling the galaxy. Ok I'm just going to come out with it, if the destruction of the rainforest were star wars, martha would be the emperor, albeit a bit more satanlike and scary due to her mass media powers. That would make rosie is darth vader, that weasing sound, shwooop puuh . . schwoop puuh, is her catching her breath. And of course all battles in this movie are fought with jedi hairpulling and bitch slapping, because blasters and lightsabers are... all together now class, phallic symbols.
SO IN CONCLUSION: this arguement is about as airtight as a russian submarine and you should just nod your head and agree with me.
Oops:
Battenfeld Residents,
Tonight while walking into the second floor lobby, I found a two page paper titled “rainforst1” posted on the inside of the door leading to the main stairwells. The content of the paper is very disturbing. The author of this paper obviously has some serious homophobic issues. The thesis statement of the paper is that “Lesbians are responsible for the destruction of rainforest.” The fact that, this individual has posted this paper on both floors (2 &3) is unacceptable action by myself as a director of the hall and I am very confidant that most of you agree with me.
I just want to tell the individual who did that, he needs to think about the difference between funny and offensive and recognize these two concepts DO NOT mix in Battenfeld. Finally to this individual, I say you need to grow up and open up your mind, otherwise do not be posting your twisted ideas in our hall and keep it to yourself.
Regards,
Mowafiq Al-Anazi
Director, Battenfeld scholarship hall
RE: rainforestl
So yeah, definitely a joke, and apparently not funny, if you don’t read past the well crafted thesis statement to the star wars references. And really there’s no need for name calling, I am not a homophobe. I am comfortable enough with the subject to make a joke about it. And if anyone has a legitimate complaint ask around, you’ll find me, and I will apologize profusely, and admit begrudgingly that ‘I suck at life’ – man I was on so many drugs that night whoah
That being said: I think cheetos are responsible for the current unrest in the middle east.
Insert collective WTF mate and lets continue.
It is a little known fact that camels looove cheetos. Do camels love cheetos, the question is almost rhetorical, of course they do. It’s a biologically adaptive behavior. When you’re in heat, not in the female dog sense, more the hot kind, the body sweats. It loses water and electrolytes, saw that in a Gatorade commercial once. Anyways, electrolytes are basically salt. So on a tangent, Gatorade is a sham. It contains salt which makes you more thirsty, so you drink more of their product, those bastard corporate lackeys. Right, so camels crave salt, which cheetos are naturally high in and of course they eat the cheetos. Those little orange powdery things are like cocaine in the camel world, or maybe tobacco is a better example. So frito lay puts out this add campaign and . . . targets camildren (camel children) and they all get hooked on the orange goodness. And then there’s all these CBI agents after the orange goodness, ok I’ll stop.
There’s one fundamental problem with camels eating cheetos – their basic inability to lick the orange goodness from their toes and toe crotches (spaces inbetween the toes). Sure they can paw the bags open and eat the cheetos, but the best part, the gooey orangish paste, ok it does have some sand in it but it’s up to camel standards, sits on their feet. Man you can’t imagine the emotional pain and suffering this causes, they should sue, damn frito lay.
Their basic frustration leads them to be mean and completely lacking in chrismas cheer year round. Proof: they spit, lots, who spits when they’re happy, not me. This lack of cheer spreads to the owners and up the food chain and pretty soon, nobody gets along.
And so you have it, just nod and agree another argument airtight like a Russian sub.
And if you call me a racist I’m going to be seriously disappointed in mankind in general
I hereby solemnly swear to never offend anyone, renounce my constitutional rights, and never utter any speech that could be considered by anyone anywhere to be politically incorrect.
OK Guys,
I thought the e-mail I sent last night would be taken as an educational lesson, but some of us seem not to understand the point was posting such an offensive writing is against the University and Housing policies. I f I know who did this action I would not hasitate of writing him up. the goal of the e-mail was to serve as a warrning and as a reminder to all of us, as we are in college to have fun, also we are here to learn respect in the same time. regardless the fact that, B-feld is a male building, it is no excuss to become a women basher. The last thing I want Battenfeld to be known of as sexiest hall, I am sure that will make girls think highly of you guys !!!!!!
enough said, If you want to talk about this topic, please call me or stop by my apartment anytime.
thanks guys.
Mowafiq
